when darkness turns to light
Saturday, November 18, 2006
and with that we, fourth formers, end our academic year of form 4. a sweeeeeeeeet ride. that's what it has been. gosh. it feels as if our first day were yesterday. how time passes us by. i still remember our first day. or at least mine. went back to our original form 3 classes. all awaiting the class list. and boy were we hoping we'd end up in d same class. and the nxt day, the dreaded day. no surprise that most of us were seperated. i got 4 Cekap. entered the class. took a look around.didn't recognize a single soul. came to the conclusion the nxt 2 years of my academic life was screwed!!wahahhaha. my my.. what a conclusion. i think it's pretty safe to say i LOVE my class. and the conclusion is SOOO not accepted man. every single soul adds the little touches that make 4C the class that it is today. i mean initially we were in cliques. like the chinese speaking were at the back, the malays at the side, n us the english speaking ones in the front. but after 11 months of being together 24/7, we're all ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY!!so.. since it was the last day of school, yours truly decided to go to school. nt many peeps from 4 came but the others were there. i remember looking around between the round of blackjack and just taking in everything that was around me. i know, i know. why the drama?? it's only another 6 weeks b4 i see them again. but then again. it'll all b different. we'll b seniors. the word SPM probably send multiple chills down our very spines. no more skipping class. or gossiping and eating during add math. forgive the sentimentalism. i just feel kinda emo now. u know. those days where you're all happy then you watch a show which has a really sad ending and suddenly you feel like the show was talking bout your world. the one where you're the main star. and everyone else plays a part in making you the person you are today. be it bitchy ( like me!), happy, or just plain emo. then it hits you like lightning. maybe your world isn't all it's hacked up to be. the spotlight dims. you're time on the stage has run out. the people around you start packing their things. the audience start leaving. you shout desperately trying to make them stay. they haven't even watched the best part yet. the part that's supposed to earn you the standing ovation you deserve. then the stillness in the air becomes so deafening you just fall to your knees. the spotlight goes off. the magestic music turns off. all there's left is that silhoutte panting in frustration on the stage.but the moment you give up hope. the spotlight comes back on. it's very dim. but bright enough for you to see everything around you. then you see the people who play the most important roles in your life, your friends and family. they're unpacking their things. they're putting their costumes back on. they join you on the stage. someone suddenly says " hey who cares if that scene was a bummer, you've got us." then the show makes sense. no no your show. but the one with the sad ending. it wasn't bout me. it was bout all the things i take for granted. the show in question was scrubs. i know, scrubs?? wth rite? it's s'ppose to be all laughter. but that's what makes it special. when it actually has a sad ending in one of it's episodes, we're never prepared for it are we? kinda like life. we don't expect the thorns that come with the roses. it's a reminder that every special thing has its flaw. like you and i. and like my form 4 year. i lied. it HASN'T been a sweet ride. not all of it at least. there were times of sheer desperation, on my part, for a true friend, a hug, a kind word, an A in an exam. i've done my share of backstabbing, bitching and betraying. so much so i'm ashamed to talk bout it. but sharing is good for the soul. so before i really end form 4, there are a few things i wanna say. first of all, i'm SORRY for ny heartaches of hurt that i've caused in the past year. to Gillian, Michelle and Cheryl, i'm sorry i wasn't a friend in any of the times you need one the most. to my classmates, i'm sorry for being a bitch. to the teachers that had to put up with me, sorry for being a pain in the ass. and to everyone else who felt the wrath of my bitchiness and fury, i apologize.I now stand alone on the stage. the scene "Form 4 through my eyes" has ended. it has it's rough edges. my hair's in a mess. my mascara's running. the theatre is silent. i take my bow and make my way backstage. preparing for my next scene. i find the script i was s'pposed to reenact to make this scene a perfect one. one that's rid itself of it's flaws. i snicker and throw it away. had this scene been perfect, i would'nt have been the same person i am now. i'm preparing myself for the next scene. i try looking for the script. the exact one i just threw away for the last scene. i can't find it. haha. maybe next year around this time when i take my bow after that scene, i'll find it. but i think i know what i'm going to do with it. because life without the sorrow and pain renders joy a worthless gain. so. prepare yourself for the next scene. because i promise it'll be better than this one. Track of the entry:The All American Rejects - It ends tonightending this scene,BecKyLabels: emo
