i don't see much. nt from this window of mine anyway. as i stare out of the tinted piece of glass, i notice my reflection. it looks pretty okay. from the outside at least. i look pretty awkward. with my black rimmed glasses and a flower in my hair. oooh. not forgetting the Gap tee.

then it strikes me. so this is what the world sees eh? nothing particulalrly interesting. it's not like i have 3 eyes or a nose as big as an elephants. thou i do tend to flare when i laugh. heh heh. then that song comes on. perfect timing. the one bout how reflections deceive and stuff. great.

so. does my reflection deceive who i really am inside? what i really feel? i mean. it's not unusual to feel this way is it. everyone does it. portray a certain character. one that defies and contradicts every cell inside their body. blatantly doing things, ignoring the screaming and tussling conscience inside.

but then again. should we reveal who we truly are and risk vulnerability? oily hair, dirt under fingernails and all? i often wonder whether it'd be a good idea to one day stand on a stage, imperfections and all, and let the crowd judge and scrutinise me. because as sadistic as it sounds, then i wouldn't have to wear a mask anymore. see, the reason we wear these masks are to avoid stares oozing with scrutiny and judgemental insults.but once that's over and done with, we need not care about the stares and jeers anymore. sure, you and your family are all that really matters. you know how when you've got trouble with your friends when you were little your mum would kinda go, nvm la girl/boy, mummy friend you enough d. and that'd make your day. week even.

then we grow up. worrying about self-reputation, peer pressure and what the world expects of us. honestly speaking, i hate being vulnerable. it makes you feel like some lab experiment for the world to study and come to it's own conclusions. you literally feel the callipers poking at you, looking into your every nook and cranny, searching for more embarassing secrets to reveal.

actually i think i'll go look for my mum right now. let her know how i'm feeling. listen to her say those exact words about how she'll be my friend no matter what. even if it makes me feel better for only a minute. because then, even if the world gets too depressing, for those precious 60 seconds, the world might not seem like such a bad place after all.

The track that made me feel vulnerable:

Christina Aguillera - reflections

Vulnerably,

BecKy